I drove by a Lion’s Choice the other day. I’ve never been to one and probably never will. After all, a lion will eat meat off the rotting corpse of a wildebeest. So I don’t think they’re the best source for culinary advice.
A rigid ideology can make smart people stupid and stupid people dangerous.
I think my brain has a mind of its own.
It would be very difficult to actually hit two birds with one stone.
If God rested on the Seventh day, what do you suppose he did on his day off?
It even rains on the Buddha.
In the West, through God you seek peace. In the East, through peace you seek God.
There is no end to what you will believe from someone who tells you what you want to hear.
Nothing draws attention like a story.
My conscious mind has no idea what my subconscious and unconscious minds are up to.
Q: Should we have an open casket funeral?
A: Remains to be seen.
If testosterone did not occur naturally it would be a controlled substance.
Earth is the most photogenic planet. Sorry Saturn.
There is no consumption without consequence.
It's a funny phrase: "It’s in the ball park." I’ve been to a ball park. They’re really big. If I said: "I need to find a particular person," would you say: You shouldn’t have any trouble. They’re in the ball park"? Probably not.
Are Hamlet and Piglet related?
If wines stopped with corks can get corked, what happens to screw-top bottles?
Squirrels are the biggest jerks in the animal kingdom.
Ants have every reason to hate me. I’ve accidentally (for the most part) stepped on them, flushed them down a drain, destroyed their cities and even microwaved them. One day they may try to get even and they know where I live.
Earth is the most photogenic planet in the solar system. Sorry Saturn.
The most underrated movie action star and possibly the bravest, is Milla Jovovich.
The phrase “They are good at what they do” always mystified me. How can you be good at what you don’t do?
There’s a phrase “It’s nothing to write home about” but there's no phrase “It’s something to write home about.”
What do you call a fighting force that drools? The Salivation Army.
What did the lemon say to the lime? Are you feeling OK?
Phrases and what they really mean
Not to be a racist. - I’m going to be a racist.
No offense meant. - Offense meant.
Your privacy is important to us. - Your privacy isn’t important to us.
To be honest. - I’m not always honest.
Don’t worry. - Worry.
It’s nothing personal. - It’s personal.
Call before midnight tonight so you won’t forget. - Call before you sober up and realize you don’t need this.
We know what we’re doing. - We're winging it.